by paul montero living positive
This CANNOT
Even if your palms don’t normally sweat, a couple of life’s jolts will still scare the
juice out of you. After your vision sharpens back up, the dizziness stops and your BE Happening to ME
hearing slowly returns, you really have to concentrate in order to wrap your mind
around the reality behind the deafening words that the medical practitioner
just told you: “Your results came back positive. I’m sorry.” Even at that moment of
utter powerlessness when all you want is to escape and deal with it privately, it is
extremely important that you stay focused on the instructions you’re given after
you’re diagnosed with HIV.
What do I do now?
Take this time to assimilate to your situation and grieve if you need to. But keep
in mind that help is always available—literally whenever we’re ready to ask for it.
We’ll probably never know just how lucky we are to live in a city that provides for
our community’s needs as comprehensively as San Diego does. We actually have
multiple choices regarding which organization to trust with our overall health—
this is something that even people in middle America might not have available
to them. That speaks volumes of our privileged standing in this country. Unfor-
tunately, it also reflects the fact that young people are being newly-diagnosed all
the time and their need for answers is urgent.
Who should I tell about this?
There is a phrase that you will likely hear over and over from those who know
your status: “It’s not a death sentence.” This is the most common response from exposed to it.
loved ones because, first of all, it’s true. Secondly, it’s often the only bright side that Now, I have recently seen a torrent of contemporary research that echoes the
immediately comes to mind regarding this type of shock. Plus, they too have just HIV treatment methodology of years long past: hit it fast, hit it hard. Of course,
begun to process the news, so don’t take offense if they need some time as well. this was exercised when the medicines available arguably did as much harm to
However, it is preferable that you err on the side of safety and be extremely selec- a patient as they helped him or her to survive. Today we have medications that
tive to whom you disclose this information. Members of any support groups you not only minimize the damage to our bodies and the morbidity of the effects, but
attend will obviously respect your privacy. Any friends you trust to keep secrets they also come with a timeframe for maximized effectiveness. For these favorable
of similar magnitude are likely candidates. Family will undoubtedly demonstrate results to arise, it is suggested that we wait for our “T-cell count” (or amount of
the strongest reactions. And because of the potential backlash of revealing your virus-fighting components) to drop and our viral load to progress to specific levels
status in some circles, even doctors will firmly respect your wish for discretion. before considering treatment. It should be noted that newly infected individuals
have, on average, nearly a decade of stable health before major symptoms require
Which research institution should I go with? us to take medicinal action. This gives us—and our health team—plenty of time
After delivering the news that there were uninvited beasties taking residence in to determine when our prime equilibrium will come. Individuals can, of course,
my lymph nodes, the testing clinic nurse took the time to explain my options and opt to begin treatments sooner if they see fit.
recommend what he and his comrades considered to be the best HIV research
group in town. Seeing as how I wasn’t in the mood or state of mind to process Will I be alone forever?
further instructions, the nurse simply forwarded my contact information to the Having mutually ended a relationship with my boyfriend only weeks after
UCSD AntiViral Research Center (AVRC), told me to expect a call from them and finding out my status, I had no choice but to ponder that same uncertainty.
assured me that I’d be well taken care of. Though it may initially seem that the quantity of our prospective dates has been
Personally, I’ve never felt more at ease in a clinic than when I visited AVRC for the severely slashed, you’d be surprised how many people don’t consider HIV-status
first time—which was a relief because I wasn’t too crazy about recanting every bit to be a deal breaker. When asking a guy out on a date, deciding when to bring up
of my sexual history that led up to my diagnosis. As promised, I was met with no HIV-status is no easy task. Just remember that it’s a decision that you don’t have
judgment or derision of any kind when I met up with, what I like to call, my “health to make on your own. Thank your lucky jeans for the wide selection of support
team.” Every participant in AVRC is put in the care of a crew of specialists that in- groups, social activity clubs and poz-friendly events strewn throughout our gay
cludes a doctor, a health educator, a case worker, a nurse and a psychologist—all little town—many of which can be found at The San Diego LGBT Community
of whom you can rely on to provide thoughtful insight on anything regarding Center. Try not to think of it as a husband-hunt, though. Most of these groups are
your health—physical or psychological. best geared for platonic support.
Nevertheless, some might still see us as walking liabilities, but the smart ones
Do I need to take medications now? will realize that we’re strong people who refuse to let a virus define, limit or intimi-
Short answer: If you’ve recently contracted the virus, probably not. Of course a date us any longer. The truth is…we’ll never be alone as long as we’ve made up
doctor’s recommendation is the most reliable measure for each individual case. our minds to survive. Living with HIV won’t be easy, but it might inspire us to truly
Plus, your health team will be able to determine your body’s resistance in relation start living. Let’s live it up, San Diego.
to the virus’ progression—as well as pinpointing the approximate time you were email Paul at
paul@ragemonthly.com
DECEMBER 2008 | RAGE monthly 31
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