horoscopes by vera divine
why, oh why, do you still wait until the New Year to
SAGITTARIUS November 23 – December 22
make resolutions? Perhaps you feel you’ve needed a
Run, horsey, run! Your energy and confidence are the envy of all those
jolt of emotional incentive in order to get going. Well
other signs at Club Zodiac. Your high-paced month of merrymaking will
don’t worry; the last week of December will bring
calm down just in time for all of your holiday get-togethers. Until then,
some of that stimulus that fellow baby-faced Can-
however, keep up the hoof-work! All of this commotion will pay off.
cerian Selma Blair enjoys. Can you believe she’s ap-
The last week of the month is when you’ll find romantic surprises in
proaching 40? I doubt she follows anybody’s schedule
unexpected places. Perhaps a last-minute invitation to celebrate winter
but her own!
festivities could help you stuff more than just your Christmas stockings!
Just remember that the tastiest candy canes ARE WRAPPED! Also, look
LEO July 24 – August 23
forward to an incoming networking proposal toward the New Year! Noth-
You sure do make an entrance, but how long can
ing says “fresh start” like new bling. I believe your fellow centaur, Sinead
you stay on top? That’s not an innuendo, I swear. It’s a
O’Connor, said it best: Nothing compares to jewels. That IS what she was
reality check! This month is all about endurance, not a
singing about, wasn’t it?
short-lived blaze of fleeting vigor. I’m sure your activ-
ity partners will second that! You’ve got to make sure
that your energy sustains you for the entire month
CAPRICORN December 23 – January 20 say they’re jealous! But then there’s a part of you that because mysterious possibilities await you at the end
Girl, you’ve got issues! Of course, who doesn’t? The wonders if what they’re saying is true. So what if it is? of the month. Take a lesson from your comrade Sean
difference between you and the rest of us on Santa’s The world needs battering rams like you—especially Penn—who pounced on his lady-Leo, Madonna, a
sleigh is that you have the natural ability to motivate around the first week of December, when honesty little too soon.
yourself to do most anything! Use it! Just don’t equate is valued most. Your opinions will be a rare, invalu-
your goat horns to a magical glowing red nose. We able tool to ensure quality control in a season full of VIRGO August 24 – September 23
don’t need another holiday rooftop jumper. Remem- bad gifts and false elation. Your fellow Aries, Seth Ah, winter break: a time for catching up with fam-
ber that any issues with your family will have the best Rogen, sure didn’t rocket to success by holding ily, a time for messy kitchen work, a time for no rest
chance of resolution if the initiative comes from you. anything back. whatsoever. That’s right, expect much than a cup
If Dolly Parton can make a country music tour work in of eggnog and a smile. You’re going to work for that
Europe, there’s hope for all Capricorns. TAURUS April 21 – May 21 meal! But fear not, my little chalice of purity. There will
Money, success, fame, glamour. Sound at all famil- be plenty of time to kick up your feet and relax once
AQUARIUS January 21 – February 19 iar? If it doesn’t now, it will soon—at least the money/ the trailing end of the month rears its jolly head. And
You sure know how to put the lust back into illustra- success part. Spend the first three weeks of the month you’d better rest up as much as you can because love
tion! Think of December as your zaftig renaissance planning. Then, during the final drag of the month, could be waiting in the New Year. As the ever-virginal
muse, and view upcoming social gatherings with give it all you’ve got and don’t relent until you achieve Virgo, Scott Baio, knows all too well, Joanie only loved
friends and family as your canvas. Regardless of which your bull-headed goals! It could be a restrictive wall at Chachi until the crow’s feet appeared.
holiday beliefs you’re buying into this year, open your work you’ve just demolished, or perhaps a social bar-
home to host a masterpiece of a bash. Your eye for rier. Either way, those who witness your persistence LIBRA September 24 – October 23
clever wallet-saving ideas will let others know early will applaud you. Singer Enrique Iglesias shouldn’t You may think you know it all, but your friends might
on in the month that you’re ripe with creative juices. be the only horned beast hogging all of the fame/ have a different take on that. I’d hate to be the bearer
It should make for quite a romance or two…bundled glamour! of bad gossip, but you should consider the possibility
up warmly at home…saving money like a good little that they’re right! That will help you regain your cred-
water bearer. I hear Jessica Biel still hasn’t snagged GEMINI May 22 – June 21 ibility and let you focus on more positive aspects of
our precious little Aquarian, Justin Timberlake, with a Having trouble balancing your needs with those winter. Someone had to convince Janeane Garofalo
wedding ring yet. of a significant other? I’d normally tell you to dump to tone down the fatalist humor, and now she’s im-
the screwball and start feeding liquor to a potential mortalized as the voice of Colette in Ratatouille. Not
PISCES February 20 – March 20 replacement, but the winter spirit has got a hold of me a bad trade-off.
Don’t you love how things have just fallen into and he won’t let go. Maybe you should do the same
place for you recently? Well, you could show your and hold on tight! Negotiate and compromise before SCORPIO October 24 – November 22
appreciation for my guidance by cutting me a check! arriving at any rash decisions that might lead you to You’re not sure, but you think you’ve been disre-
But the rest of the credit must go right back to you. spending Christmas morning alone! By the middle of spected by someone close by. What to do… Well,
You’ve put in extra hours at work. So let yourself enjoy the month, you’ll start to see whether this relationship instead of retaliating and stinging someone sense-
the rewards. Just be receptive to some mid-month is a comfy home or a prison cell. That’s when you’ll less, take the first week of the month to reflect on the
intensity. It may be envy or perhaps just a friend who know whether it’s time to make like Wentworth Miller many possibilities before you. Consider that maybe
needs to express something. In any case, adopt a cool, and blow this joint…so to speak. this person has no idea you’re feeling slighted. Make
collected attitude like fellow sea-stud Daniel Craig did it known to him/her, but only after you’ve let go of all
with the 007 series. CANCER June 22 – July 23 butt-hurt feelings and gathered your wits–at least to
You hate faux-hawks, can’t stand reality TV and avoid making a scene. We all love Sally Field, but we
ARIES March 21 – April 20 you’re allergic to anything from Abercrombie and don’t always need a reenactment of one of her fanati-
If they say you’re opinionated, you automatically Fitch. So out of all the clichés this country has to offer cal dramatic scenes.
104 RAGE monthly | DECEMBER 2008
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