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Markets are funny things. We should always keep an eye open for Don’t even start on major IT projects, the rail networks and Terminal 5.
them doing precisely the opposite of what is expected. One story There are lousy private companies out there just as there are lousy
illustrates this beautifully. public services, although it is instructive to note that most of the poor
Many years ago, radio stations in America were served by two
performances in the private sector occur at the point where private
agencies, UPI and AP, who provided ready-made radio news reports
meets public.
from around the world. AP was always the strongest economically and
Any ideas why that should be? Possibly because the public sector is as
had the more comprehensive service. UPI, though a legend in
lousy a purchaser of services as it is a provider?
American journalism, was always in the financial mire. The story goes
that AP wanted to corner the market for itself and take over UPI’s radio
interests. Conventional economics say it could have undercut UPI by
My mind never ceases to reel at the banality of estate agent English.
lowering its prices. Instead, it pushed them through the roof. Faced
Smug, patronising and more often than not completely mendacious.
with a jump in agency fees, editors cancelled UPI to save money. AP
It is as if agents have received a linguistic lobotomy before entering
moved in and swallowed UPI Radio whole. Job done.
the trade.
The obvious solution is not always the best.
I recall the brilliance of Roy Brooks, an estate agent in London from the
50’s until his death in 1971 (although an estate agency bearing his
name still flourishes in London www.roybrooks.co.uk). Roy took
Do journalists live in the real world? Mishal Husain from the BBC did an
excellent presentation job at SEEDA’s South East Business Awards,
immense delight in telling the truth in all its ugly glory, and his small ads
reading out people’s names and being generally pleasant. After
in the Sunday papers were avidly read, and eventually collated into a
Digby Jones (sorry, Digby, Lord Jones of Birmingham…geez, what a
marvellous read called “Brothel in Pimlico” (Prion, November 2001).
mouthful) had made a wonderful tub-thumping speech, extolling the
He also sold loads of houses.
flair, ingenuity, daring and sheer bloody brilliance of British business
Some examples:
people, Ms. Husain stood up and said something like, “Gosh, that was
wonderful, it has completely changed my attitude to business. I will
"The decor of the nine rooms, some of which hangs inelegantly from
think differently about it from now on.”
the walls, is revolting."
Pray, what planet is she on? She is a national newscaster/journalist and
yet, until Digby enlightened her, she was apparently completely
"(This house is…) exactly like its neighbors, and nobody could ever
ignorant of the vital role business plays in the life of this nation. I bet she
accuse it of being original, interesting or even attractive."
is not alone in the junior common room at the BBC they could use a
spot of education. Any spare time, your Lordship?
“Will anyone take pity on a nasty old house adj. Regent’s Pk. Ter.? On
still nights the friendly howl of the Hyena floats over the Mappin
terraces & one can, maybe, imagine oneself far away from our
At a Gatwick Diamond Skills breakfast at the Arora Hotel in Gatwick, to
acquisitive society. 9 rms., 2 bathrms. All in pretty foul order.”
hear from Yo! Sushi founder Simon Woodroffe and Professor Mike
Campbell of the UKCES, a business-led outfit tasked with making
All this was brought to mind recently by an ad from an estate agent in
government training programmes more relevant to business.
Dorset offering a beach hut for £25,000 (A beach hut??? £25k!!???). It
In the audience was Thea Bredie, who runs a Montessori School in
reads:
Horsham. She stood up during question time and said something of
such simplicity and clarity that she stopped everyone in their tracks.
Reception Rooms: 1 (Really? Just the one? No ballroom?)
“Children enter school as question marks and leave as full stops.
Palmer Snell are pleased to offer the market this rare opportunity to
Was there ever a better way to sum up the British education system?
purchase a traditional day hut. Situated on Monmouth beach to the
(I should add that this is not how she views the excellent Montessori
west side of the famous Cobb in Lyme Regis. Once you step off the
system of teaching.)
decked area to the front of the hut you will be on the beach enjoying
Simon Woodroofe himself delivered a good quote, from Goethe.
uninterrupted views of the sea. Other than a few personal effects the
Think hard about what it says, particularly if you are in business on your
contents are included in the sale price.
own account and worried about whether you’ll succeed.
The sound you hear is another nail being hammered into the coffin of
“If you are really convinced and know where to go, the world will
irony.
conspire to help you.”
Or is it Roy Brooks turning gently in his grave?
Reassuring, isn’t it? But remember, first you’ve got to be convinced,
Have you been paying attention to the growing emergence of the
and then you really need to know where you are going…..
market in free stuff? Giving things away for nothing has, of course,
been a solid marketing device for years. Give away the razor,
It’s dead easy, sitting in the private sector, to throw stones at the public
charge for the blades. Give away the printer (virtually….) and
sector for its many shortcomings. But some things are clearly screwed
charge through the nose for toner. Give away the phone, charge a
up by private companies to, and they affect us all. Hospital cleaning is
fortune for the calls.
a classic, privatised under Mrs. T, hobbled by stupid rules and
But fed by the Internet, free is beginning to spread. Rock bands give
regulations ever since. Thus, welcome MRSA, C-Diff and all. Same away their music on-line because they know it will feed demand for
goes for the cleaning of hospital instruments; once an NHS function, it their concerts where the real dosh is made. Traditional markets are
is now carried out by private firms, and it’s just not working. turning on their head. (…over)
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