askthetherapist
Joyous Cohabitation
Q:
Dear Karen Kaye, that did not work by utilizing them as
Historically, I have had learning lessons now. Human beings
a difficult time living with usually have agendas that even they do
people. I might want to try it again not realize, such as living together in
with a new man. Any tips? order to get married. Individuals may
Thanks, only be able to grasp that realization in
Nanci retrospect.
Some of the issues to address are:
. Do we both feel this is good timing?
a:
Dear Nanci, · Do we really know what we want and
You have created an are we ready, willing and available
opportunity for yourself now. to work for this relationship? ALL
That opportunity is to approach this RELATIONSHIPS TAKE WORK!
decision differently this time. In order · Am I open to sharing space or leaving
to break the cycle, it is imperative to my space to be part of your world?
“halt” your usual process and re-eval- · How comfortable do we feel in this
uate how you have contributed to the physical space? not to rush. As you can see, there are
end of each relationship from your past. · What changes do we want to make? many concerns to discuss. Make this
You also might want to consider arrang- · How will we handle the financial attempt an educated risk rather than a
ing for professional guidance in this concerns? risk for risk’s sake. The longer it takes
process to help you step back and see · Am I someone who needs a lot of to thoughtfully lay the foundation of
things from a different vantage point or alone time or am I someone who your new world together, the better the
maybe even see things for the first time. likes someone “under foot”? chances of a lasting partnership.
I will, though, offer some tips · Do I need someone more similar or
based on my observations in my private different, and am I tolerant of those Many thanks,
practice. It is unusual for potential part- differences? Karen L. Kaye L.M.H.C.
ners to discuss pertinent matters before · What do you feel are your strengths
they cohabitate. The “we will figure it and weaknesses? If you would like to speak with
out as we go or later on,” rarely works. Karen Kaye, call 954.384.1217. See ad
Make good use of past relationships My suggestion, Nanci, would be page 67.
December 2008 51
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