Helping Your Family Release
emotions Safely
by Debbie Milam we blew up a balloon, then slowly released some of the air? It
would once again regain its strength. It would be able to han-
W
alk into any home, camp or school and you will see it. It dle more air coming in. This filling and releasing is the perfect
pervades video games, blockbuster movies, and radio analogy to what happens in our lives. On a recurring basis we
and TV airwaves. You’ll find it in corporations, bars, and religious are faced with opportunities to fill with anger, disappointment,
institutions. No one is immune, it permeates every walk of life, frustration, stress, and sadness. If we practice strategies for re-
every, race, every religion. What is this insidious thing that is leasing these emotions, we maintain our strength and integrity.
taking over the lives of so many families? It is conflict. Without these skills we explode, stretch beyond our capabilities
When I talk about conflict, I want to be clear that not all and lose who we are.
conflict is negative. Conflict can bring about great change It is so essential to teach yourself and your children to re-
where it is needed. If handled effectively, conflict can be an lease your emotions safely. As I said before, learning to resolve
amazing catalyst for growth. The negative ramifications of conflict is not an innate gift, it is a learned skill. For some fami-
conflict occur when we or our children instantly and emotion- lies the only place they learn to resolve conflict is through the
ally react. That’s when conflict becomes heated, damaging, and destructive ways the media portrays. Do you really want Jerry
sometimes even violent. Springer, Wendy Wu or X-man showing your children how to
Most of us still handle conflict the way in which we did as handle their emotions? How do you and your significant other
a child. For those that were shy, they often withdraw from con- handle conflict? How do you and your children work through
flict and let others take advantage of them. For those who had high emotions? Who is the grounding force in their lives that
heated tantrums, they often grow up with a volatile temper. can stay calm in a storm of emotions?
Our children then learn to handle conflict in the way in which As parents, you have the power to share this extremely
we do. Effectively handling conflict in our lives is not innate. important skill with your children. But you must first learn it
It is a learned skilled that requires tools and practice. It is not yourself. Read the books, find the class, talk to a counselor,
only a learned skill, it is necessary if you want the kind of loving learn as much as you can to help your family have the kind of
relationships each of you deserves. relationships they truly deserve. May you and your family be
One of the most important keys to learning to resolve con- able to release their emotions safely, may you learn to honor
flict peacefully is to learn to express our emotions in ways that and respect each other, and may you experience the fullness of
are not threatening to others. To do this we need to understand each other’s love.
and accept the full range of emotions each of us experience.
When I first began my spiritual path I would feel very guilty if Debbie Milam is the author of Stop Fighting and Start
I felt angry, sad, or frustrated. I thought it wasn’t very enlight- Connecting, founder of The Best You Can Be Foundation, a syn-
ened of me to have these emotions. I denied my emotions dicated parenting columnist for UPI, and human potential coach
so much that I became physically ill. My emotions became whose work has been featured in over 300 media outlets includ-
embodied. But the more I learn about myself, my emotions are ing The Miami Herald, Elle, Ladies Home Journal, PBS and The
very much a part of who I am. Connecting with these emotions Hallmark Channel. Visit her website for more books and resources
and then releasing them helped me to become more authentic, to help you be a highly effective parent. Sign-up for the newsletter
and to express myself, my needs, concerns and desires in a lov- at
www.bestyoucanbe.org and receive your special report Creating
ing way. This authenticity became a powerful vehicle for posi- Peace Within Yourself and Your Family.
tive change, a more effective parent and a healthier individual.
Here’s a simple experiment that I do with my children and
the children in my conflict resolution school based programs,
to illustrate what happens when we hold in our emotions
and do not fully express them or release them. Take a balloon
and blow it up. What happens? It gets distended and it gets
stretched. Now what would happen if you continued to blow
it up and did not release any of the air? It would swell until it
weakened so much that it would pop - break, no longer be who
it was. Or it would stretch so much that it would explode. Well,
that is the same thing that happens within us when we don’t
acknowledge our emotions; when we don’t take the time to
release them in an effective manner.
Now back to our balloon example, what would happen if
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