healthykids
Positive Parenting
Toolbox
by Chick moorman and Thomas Haller
what if the urge to simplify and happify your life took
on a new and unexpected twist? what if you decided
to change how you relate to your children, family and
yourself by giving yourself a parenting makeover…
w
e have found that purposefully overanalyze parenting issues. Stop
removing ineffective tools from thinking and cluttering conscious-
a parenting toolbox means ness with incessant chatter. Pay no
pitching any technique that is disre- attention to the outdated thought
spectful, demeaning or counterproduc- that, “My parents did it to me and I
tive to your goal of raising responsible, turned out alright.” Listen instead, to
caring and confident children. Perhaps the intuition of your heart.
you, too, agree that old-style parenting
tools are no longer working.
Appreciate the moment.
Yelling, shaming, scolding, lectur-
Cut down on talking.
The best gift to give a child is to be fully
ing, inducing guilt and spanking, for ex-
The first step towards love is to listen.
present when you are with them, rather
ample, as well as bribing children with
Reduce the need to explain, lecture,
than dwelling on past problems or
stars, stickers and performance charts,
moralize, rationalize and convince.
future fears. There is only one moment
give only the illusion of being effective.
Instead, give children the gift of your
to see, feel, express, learn, grow or heal
These outdated strategies ultimately
presence by hearing, rather than telling;
with your child. This is it. All the rest
lead to fear, resentment and lack of
acknowledging, instead of convincing;
is just cluttering up precious parenting
self-esteem; they do not build self-reli-
and understanding, rather than jumping
moments.
ant, self-responsible, self-motivated
to conclusions.
children. It is time to trash them and
become skillful in using more appropri-
Reawaken curiosity.
Apologize and begin again.
ate parenting tools: Clean out your present expectations and
Do you need to make amends with a
assumed knowledge of why children
child? If so, tell her what you learned
eliminate judgment.
do things. Return to wonder and find
and what you intend to do differently
Judgment keeps you from seeing chil-
fascination with what they do. Allow-
from now on. Then, follow through.
dren clearly. If you judge a child as
ing curiosity to bloom opens the door
Unclutter the history of accumulated
lazy, you are less likely to see ambi-
to awe. See with beginner’s eyes, as if
past mistakes by making a new begin-
tious behavior. If you judge him as un-
seeing this moment for the first time.
ning today.
caring, you will have difficulty noticing
his benevolent acts. Throwing out such Clean up the daily schedule. Rework truth.
labels reveals each child’s true depth
Every child in the world spells love, Free your mind of the notion that there
and possibility.
T-I-M-E. Adjust priorities by selectively is one truth. You know your truth. Al-
picking through social and business low children to find theirs. Model the
Be out of your mind. activities and getting rid of old obliga- way you live your truth and support
Use silent times to wash away old and
tions and habits that prevent you from young people in their efforts to find and
useless thoughts. Resist the urge to
investing time with your children. trust theirs.
2 Collier / Lee Counties
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