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Untitled Fiction [part 1]
Queen
fiction by | john mcdonough
range beer and flipped on the TV. Though some with perfectly dictated words replacing the high
might argue otherwise, I’ve always believed or low pitched tones.
Astra
Todd was, in most ways, a lucky man. it to be that innate ability to empathize and Todd unable to yet respond, Layla
He walked home from his cozy job to a comfy comfort that is the canine’s true sixth sense. was forced to continue. “I know it’s probably
Let the stars be your guide!
apartment with a full kitchen and an adoring dog. As such, it was not the bland television pro- too much for you right now, but I love you Todd.
His neighbors were quiet and private, his bills grams that calmed Todd this night, but rather And not in some man’s best friend sort of way;
were never troubling, and crime was noticeably the warm heartbeat pulsing beneath his fore- not even in a fed-and-cared-for, child-like sense.
non-existent. Simple contentment was plenty for arm. Hours passed in the therapeutic stroke I’ve seen your dating struggles, I know how it
him, thus an evening of sitcoms and the news of fingers on fur, until Todd suddenly found eats at you—what I’m trying to say is that I’m
allowed his head to rest lightly and his dreams himself awoken by a wide yawn from the ball ready to love and ready to be loved.”
to flow peacefully. He was even mostly unper- curled next to him. Surprised and content with Still unable to deal with such a situation,
turbed by his difficulty in dating. He was confi- his unintentional nap, smiling, he said “Good Todd simply continued stroking Layla behind the
dent in his ability to be happy with or without a dog Layla.” ears and turned his attention to the television, as if
spouse, and therefore put little pressure on him- the whole ordeal could just be ignored away.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
self to force a malfunctioning relationship. Al-
Layla <layla76>
“Todd please don’t treat me like
Bad financial luck waits in store for you this
though just marginally handsome himself, his in- this,” Layla implored, “I’ve bared my entire
month. Keep your money buried in a coffee
fatuations tended towards too-women. Whether heart and soul to you and you don’t even re-
can in the front yard just to be safe.
too beautiful, too smart, or too easy-going, Todd spect me enough to respond?”
found himself promptly rejected by the many Finally realizing that Layla wasn’t going
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
women who sincerely caught his fancy. On the to suddenly go back to not speaking, Todd again
Your pending lawsuit will be dismissed as
other hand, he frequently dismissed more com- looked down at her, but could see nothing but the
the Americans with Disabilities Act is ruled
patible choices on grounds of such devastating puppy he had raised and whose poop he had been
unconstitutional this month.
character flaws as extreme humility, diffidence, picking up in newspaper bags everyday for years.
and in one case, a particularly obnoxious birth- “Look Layla,” he began tentatively,
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
mark that peeked out from the lower limits of the “you’re a great dog. And I care more about you
“The House Bunny” will fail to live up to your
shortest of shorts. Needless to say, he was what than anything else, but it’s like a mother loves
lofty expectations. Lower your standards!
some would call picky (and generously so), but her children. I’ve raised you from a pup, and uh,
yet demanded the opposite from his mate. well, you are still a dog after all.”
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
While his failures rarely stayed with “Why should it matter that I’m a
You will find yourself overwhelmed with the
him for more than a few days, frustration usu- dog? Dating other humans doesn’t seem to be
desire for a higher thread count.
ally managed to seep into his persona for several working—are you so shallow as to deny that
hours following a poorly executed date, as was love can come in any shape?”
Leo (July 23-August 22)
the case on this night. The girl, Jenna, no, Jenny “Layla I haven’t even given up on dat-
You will be disheartened when the asshole in
was a typical Todd—good looking, well-dressed, ing women yet, much less the entire human race!
your social circle dies and you are promoted
ambitious, but too funny for her own good. Not
3 years, 6 months/female/MO
Wouldn’t you admit that your solution might be
to new asshole.
to her disadvantage certainly, and not for you or a little drastic?” Recognizing the absurdity of
I or her grandmamma, but for a man of Todd’s such a discussion even being allowed to happen,
Virgo (August 23-Sept. 22)
composure her forceful personality proved ir- Suddenly, the apartment’s quiet was broken. Todd decided to go on the offensive and end the
Don’t be afraid of new opportunities, even if
reconcilable. A man who doesn’t so much laugh “Todd, there’s something I need to conversation once and for all. “Look Layla, even
those opportunities are of the same sex.
as snort, it was difficult for Todd to show his tell you.” if I would consider inter-species dating I treasure
true appreciation for Jenny’s wit. After a few Bewildered, Todd looked alertly for you and our relationship the way it is too much to
Libra (September 23-October 22)
ice-breaking quips were met with short chortles the source of this unfamiliar voice intruding in risk damaging it with some sort of, uh, romantic
I swear, you will finally be able to get two sodas
and what was (understandably) misinterpreted his home. Finding his surroundings as still and involvement. Come on girl, let’s just go to bed,
out of the machine this month if you stick your
as only a half-approving smirk, she lost the self- undisturbed as ever, he assumed it a fleeting rem- I’ll take you to the park tomorrow.”
hand far enough up there.
confidence so central to her personality and re- nant of some forgotten dream-state only now fully As she began making the natural
verted to the reserved acne-speckled girl she had emerged from. His perplexion both subsided and whimpering noise heard so many times before,
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
tried so hard to leave behind. One may wonder intensified as he heard a throat clear and realized Todd momentarily assumed that his rejection
This month is the perfect time to reinvent your-
how such a middling bore as Todd could possibly its origin was nearer than he had realized. had broken the spell and his dog was back to the
self. Try not being a bitch this time around.
make a fine young woman self-conscious, well, “Layla?” he started slowly, amazed, way he wanted her. It was not so. Although she
it likely has to do with his nearly stoic demeanor. “but—what—how—?” had somehow learned to talk, and accumulated a
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Thinking it somehow attractive and remarkable “That’s exactly it Todd, don’t you see?” surprisingly sophisticated vocabulary, Layla had
Are you walking the dog or is the dog
to show no extremes of emotion, Todd made it “How—?” he barely whispered. not learned the human manner of crying. Instead
walking you?
a point to assume a façade that was unaffected “Don’t you see though? Only by she was forced to convey her distress in the only
under all circumstances. Naturally, this could be the transcendent power of love could such a way she had ever known—a glaring reminder of
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
quite unsettling in what was intended as an in- miracle occur.” her true nature.
If this world runs out of lovers, we’ll still have
timate setting. And so—he not exactly adept at Computer-generated effects have led “You, you turn me down” she uttered
each other. Nothing’s gonna stop us now.
creating interesting conversation—once Jenny us to imagine a certain way animals’ mouths between whimpers “and expect everything to go
clammed up so too did the majority of the dinner would move were they to speak; however, as back to normal? Can’t you see what it took for me
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
table banter. An awkward forty five minutes later Todd watched Layla converse in perfect Eng- to tell you this?” her voice began to rise now, “Do
How many of these god damn zodiac signs
she was politely thanking him for dinner through lish it became clear that this idea is pure fantasy. you think I have no self respect for myself? That
are there, anyway?
a passenger-side window, and both were looking Rather than mimicking the manner of sound pro- I’ll just let you walk all over me? Just go to bed;
for any sort of manner in which to convey the duction in humans, with all its wild lip and tongue I’ll stay right here, nursing this broken heart.”
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
always uncomfortable ‘there’s no need to call me slapping, Layla’s voice was the combined effort Again Todd scratched Layla behind
Today’s the day you’re finally going to
again’ conclusion. of her throat and nose. With little actual mouth the ears, easily, thoughtfully. Standing up, he
give that police officer a piece of your
It was this short term frustration movement, she appeared no different than if she tread slowly to bed, living room whimpering
mind. Go for it!
Todd felt as he cracked open a can of mid- were whining or growling as some dogs do, but following him all the way to sleep.
volume 15 | issue 1
the monitor | 9
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