askthedoctor
Happy Holidays?
Holidays are a time of expectations — some realistic, some not
so much. Let go of your expectations and experience more joy
this holiday season. By Rear Adm. Joyce Johnson, D.O.
M
ovies and novels such as It’s a Those with the most specifi c expecta-
Wonderful Life and A Christmas tions before the holidays are often sad
Carol show how families can and disappointed by holiday’s end. There
bond together during winter holidays. is always something that wasn’t perfect.
However, sometimes television shows like Those who started out with negative
Home Improvement seem a more accurate views usually have equally negative views
refl ection of one’s own family. by the end of the season. If you’re look-
Whatever your family’s dynamics, and ing hard enough for the negative, you are
however extended your family is, most likely to fi nd it.
people have a vision of what the holidays Perhaps perfection is not the optimal
Redirect Criticism
will be. Many people’s thoughts around goal; perhaps a vision of holiday events
With Positive Talk
the holidays relate to “perfection.” Those isn’t necessary. Some people are able
■ Instead of avoiding rel- with enthusiasm about the holidays often to enjoy each experience as it happens.
atives who make nega-
anticipate perfection. They can picture They don’t have any specifi c expectations.
tive or critical comments,
the events that will mean the most to them They don’t really care if their gift is Uncle
try engaging them in a
positive conversation. If
and believe they will unfold precisely as Henry’s favorite. Of course, it would be
you ask Aunt Ethel about
they imagine: The gift will be exactly what great if it were — but they are satisfi ed
herself, she won’t have Uncle Henry wanted. The children will be knowing they gave him a gift because they
to complain in order to
excited to see their grandparents. care about him. They understand it’s the
be heard.
Others avoid disappointment by taking thought that counts. They enjoy a fallen
the opposite approach. As a result of year souffl é as much as a perfect one. They re-
after year of frustration caused by failure alize that if Aunt Ethel weren’t comment-
to achieve perfection, they have developed ing on the furniture she’d fi nd something
a negative vision of the holidays. This is else to ramble about, no matter whose
refl ected in their attitude, which might house she was visiting.
include feelings of anxiety, anger, and This year, try to let go of your holiday
even dread: The holiday souffl é will fall. expectations. Realize perfection isn’t real-
Aunt Ethel will comment — again — on the istic, and let each thing happen as it will.
worn-out sofa. The children will spill cran- Experience each minute, each hour, each
berry sauce on Sophie’s white rug. day; enjoy each moment, each person,
Though they take opposite approaches, each event. MO
each group views perfection as its goal
or endpoint. They have a vision, and they
— Rear Adm. Joyce Johnson, USPHS-Ret.,
think events ought to correspond with
D.O., M.A., is vice president, Health Sciences,
Battelle Memorial Institute, Arlington, Va. Find
that vision. The problem with having
more health and wellness resources at www
perfection as a goal is that it’s rare, if not
.moaa.org/wellness. For submission information,
impossible, to attain. see page 18.
50 MILITARY OFFICER DECEMBER 2007 PHOTO: STEVE BARRETT
DDec_askdr.indd
50ec_askdr.indd 50 111/1/07 11:15:00 PM1/1/07 11:15:00 PM
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