nc/sd April 2010 — Good News, etc. — 7
Most people think that if you just have more money, you will have less disagreement over money, but that is not necessarily true. Deep-seated differences arise because people spend money according to their individual personalities. In our book, The Marriage Code, we offer
a budget worksheet to use so that each motivation style is taken into consideration. Take a date night this week and dialogue over what fi nancial motivation style you each have:
Inner Drive #1: Authority — For those
who are motivated by having authority, money is power. It represents options and opportunity. They spend money on whatever goals they consider worthwhile. They invent a plan and take calculated risks to see that plan become a reality. They are exciting to be around because they are highly productive, visionary, focused, and fearless. They are hard working, hard-driving people but the danger is the temptation to become power hungry workaholics. One compromise might be to set aside a certain amount each month to save toward the big dreamer’s long term goal while a stable amount is used for regular family needs.
Inner Drive #2: Attention — Money
is all about people. This person spends money to make memories. The heartfelt question that gets asked over and over is, “How will my spouse, friends, child, etc. feel when I give them money or spend money on them?” The downside is they like to appear like they have a lot of money — whether they do or not! They love to pick up the tab and give gifts! They will give you the last crumb off the table and the shirt off their own back. Your family fi nances work out easier if this person is given the freedom to work very hard to earn extra money that is set aside as discretionary funds to do with as they see fi t to enhance relationships. For the spouse
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Psalm 1:1 “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly nor
Understanding money in your marriage
W
family
ith all the trouble in the economy, couples might discover new tensions in their relationship.
married to the generous heart, create a line item discretionary amount you both agree on ahead of time, so he or she can spend some with out consulting you.
Inner Drive #3: Acceptance — This
person purchases peace. The goal is to create as simple process towards money. When the money is there, they are very cooperative. If fi nances are tight, they get stubborn because they feel like a crisis is being created that will disrupt the peace in their lives. If the family is spending less than they are making, this person relaxes. If, however, more is being spent than they earn, this person will grow to resent the spending habits of his family as he begins to feel defi ned as a paycheck rather than a person. This person reminds us that life
“King David also ordered the Levite leaders to organize the singers into an orchestra, and they played loudly and joyously…”
is not all about money. You will fi nd your marriage is better when you commit to a savings account and recession proof romance as it helps this motivational style relax.
Inner Drive #4: Accuracy — This
person is all about a system and they are emotionally attached to the process. When a budget is set, they take the budget literally. So if the budget says $50 for groceries per week, they mean $50 — not $55 ! However, because they love managing money and resources, they often have money and resources to manage! They are savers, planners, investors and practical! This is the spouse that may say “I love you” with snow tires because tires will keep you safe. The key to working things out
“The whole family was filled with joy, because they had come to believe in God.”
– Acts 16:34
– 1 Chron. 15:16 (TLB)
RED HOT MONOGAMY
BILL & PAM FARREL
is to discuss ahead of time any foreseen changes or adaptations that might need to occur — if you give good reasons, you will get cooperation. This person also needs consistent encouragement, so say, “thank
you” often and that will help.
❏
For more information on money and marriage
see The First Five Years by Bill and Pam Farrel,
and The Marriage Code or 25 Free Date
Ideas articles at www.pamandbill.org.
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