01
06
If you decide to be an artist, strive to get into as many group
Go to a fancy bookshop in a fashionable area. This is where art
shows as you can. Don’t waste too much time making work, but
magazines are stocked. Buy one with a list such as the ArtReview
make sure you get your name on as many invite cards as possible.
Power 100. Memorise it: names, faces and – most importantly –
There are artists who have built their whole careers on how
income and job titles. These are the people you must socialise with.
many shows they appear to have been in. This used to be called
Learn how to distinguish the power players from the neophytes
‘conceptualism’. Now it’s called ‘post-studio’.
(and the nutters, who are legion). Always make a beeline for
the former, unless one of the latter can get you introduced to
someone important.
07
Cultivate an extensive rumour mill. It’s impossible for everyone to
02
be everywhere at once, even though most people have heard about
most other people. Drop hints about your connections, but make
Get yourself on the mailing list of every gallery in town. You’ll find
sure that these can only be checked with difficulty. By the next time
their addresses in local listings magazines like Time Out. Contact
you meet the person, everyone else will have forgotten the details,
them all; galleries will always put you on their lists because that
but you will retain an inexplicable aura of connectedness.
gives their interns something to do. Remember, an empty mailbox
is an empty life. At the same time also acquire a recycling bin.
You will need this now like never before, and dropping your green
08
credentials into arty conversations will further enhance your social
When you’re with wealthy collectors, try to act slightly eccentric;
standing, even if you’ve just jetted halfway round the world to get
when you’re with curators, try to act slightly eccentric; when you’re
to wherever it is that your conversations are taking place.
with artists, try to act slightly eccentric; in fact, try to act slightly
eccentric all the time. After a while you’ll be so eccentric that you
03
won’t even know you’re acting.
Art. Learn about it. Most publishers offer a convenient tombstone
that covers everything. Be able to check Warhol and Beuys at every
09
event, but with a vague and offhand tone that suggests you know
Be in the right place at the right time. If this doesn’t happen, create it.
a great deal about their work, and for much longer than you care
There’s always an angle to be worked, a school to be ‘discovered’ or a
to mention. Almost any contemporary artist can be related to one
pocket of the planet that can be hijacked in the name of art. Moving
of them. Don’t try and add your own opinions at this stage: you
to Estonia, Shanghai or New Delhi are still good options. Better yet,
will only confuse things. Until you really know what you are talking
go somewhere no one has ever considered going, and make a name
about, vague and offhand is fine. The important thing to remember
for yourself. War zones are a possibility. As much as arty types are
for now is that you are trying to win friends, not influence people.
in thrall to art history, a cult of invention flourishes among them, and
The answer in the artworld is always yes, never no.
novelty counts (though it’s not to be confused with Fashion, which
can only be mentioned with one eyebrow raised).
04
At some point you’ll need to decide what kind of artworld player
10
you want to be. If it’s a collector, simply go out and buy stuff.
Stake out your territory. Now is the time to take things a step
Don’t worry if some of it is rubbish at the beginning. Just throw it
further by having an impact on the cultural moment. An ad hoc
away. The more you buy, the better the things that will be offered
show of young Inuit artists or former terrorists can easily be turned
to you. Remember, 99 percent of artists will be entirely forgotten
into something definitive, with the right PR machine.
within five years. And any leftover bits of junk you’ve still got in 20
years time can of course be ‘rediscovered’.
05
11
Use newfound fame strategically. If it brings you riches, with, say, a
rise in market value for those previously unknown artists you bought,
Develop your public image. It’s what you will live off from now on,
sell them immediately and buy into one of the big names. People
and is the single most important tool in the art game. So, who are
treat someone more seriously if they own a Damien Hirst. But it
you? You could emphasise an exoticism: people in the artworld love
doesn’t stop there. To beat down all the other climbers, create a
things they don’t understand, and we’re not just talking the latest
swanky art foundation with an edgy name – something that sounds
book by Alain Badiou. If you’re working class, black, female or gay, you
like a chemical formula is perfect.
will stand out. Use this to your advantage. Death metal, butt plugs,
amyl nitrate and dead-end seaside towns have all had a moment in
the limelight. On the other hand it’s not about race, class or gender
12
– it’s about art. So if you are female, working class, black or gay, make
Congratulations. You’ve made it. You no longer have any need
a point of saying that you think art can transcend differences while
for art magazines, dinners, introductions or gallery mailing lists.
grinding home the fact that you are female, working class, etc.
You’re free.
12STEPS.indd 81 28/9/07 14:50:46
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