3A
Q&A: HISTORY OF HYMNS
Intimacy is ‘language of sex’
Quiet hymn evokes
Sexual images are everywhere in marriage as the source of all of our teach that if you will bring security
pop culture, but there’s wisdom out problems. In counseling, we try to and honor into your marriage, then
still, small voice
there about how to create lasting get both husband and wife to under- intimacy automatically happens.
sexual intimacy in a marriage, says stand that both individuals have a
Ted Cunningham, co-author with Dr. part in the marriage. Even if it Typically men think about sex
B Y C. MICHAEL H AW N
“Dear Lord and Father of
Gary Smalley of The Language of doesn’t seem even or fair, both have more frequently. How do you rec- UMR Columnist
Mankind”
Sex: Experiencing the Beauty of Sex- contributed to the disillusionment. ommend handling the issues that
ual Intimacy. It’s really getting the spouses to stop can create in a marriage? This hymn’s origin is a paradox.
John Greenleaf Whittier
Mr. Cunningham, founding pas- pointing the finger of blame—“If When my wife and I began to John Greenleaf Whittier (1807-1892)
The UM Hymnal, No. 358
tor of Woodland Hills Community my mate would stop this, or do that, discuss the ways that we were wired worshipped in the tradition of the Soci-
Church in Branson, Mo., spoke re- I’d be happy”—and to ultimately differently, it began to create a ety of Friends, also known as Quakers.
Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
cently with staff writer Mary find fulfillment with God. sense of unity in our marriage. Traditionally, Quakers have not sung in
Forgive our foolish ways;
Jacobs. Here are excerpts. The more you put the focus on Women are more relationally worship, but value silence, waiting for
Reclothe us in our rightful mind,
yourself rather than your mate— driven; men are more driven by the “still, small voice” of God.
In purer lives thy service find,
What led you to write this book? we’ve seen it happen so often—it re- what they see. We like to say, “Men Whittier had been reading Max
In deeper reverence, praise.
There’s a need in our churches ally takes only one spouse to turn are microwaves. Women are crock- Müller’s The Sacred Books of the East
and in our homes to start talking the marriage around. We get a lot of pots.” If you want to enjoy a meal at about the use of soma, a plant found
about the subject. We believe the pushback on that. But God says in 1 night, the wife needs to be turned in northwest India. Soma was used to in “the silence of eternity, interpreted
church and parents have gone silent Peter 3 that the attitude of a believ- on early in the morning. Men need prepare an intoxicating drug that was by love!”
on the issues due to embarrassment ing spouse can influence an unbe- no prep time. They’re ready to go at ingested in reli- The fourth stanza maintains the
or whatever. They’ve left it up to the lieving spouse. It doesn’t guarantee a moment’s notice. That was a dif- gious rituals, result- sense of tranquility: “Drop thy still
school and the media to inform our change, but it can influence. ference put in place by God, and it’s ing in a state of dews of quietness,/till all our strivings
young people on this. So we wanted one more reason to work at our frenzy. cease.” In this stanza the poet employs
to explore sexual intimacy marriages. This hymn the device of onomatopoeia by choos-
within marriage without began as a part of a ing words throughout with an “s”
the embarrassment. What advice would you have for a long narrative sound—“dews,” “q u i e t n e ss,” “ striv-
young married couple, when sex- poem, “The Brew- ings,” “ cease” and so on. The skill of
What does the Bible say ual excitement occurs naturally?
C. Michael
ing of Soma,” pub- the poet is evident in a tour de force of
about sex? Is there some way to maintain Hawn lished in The sibilant sounds evoking serenity.
That it is to be enjoyed that? Atlantic Monthly in The final stanza evokes images of
between a man and a The key is to make sure your 1872. The poem describes Vedic breathing and calm, closing with a
woman in marriage for a life- character runs ahead of your de- priests going into the forest and magnificent antithesis: “Speak
time. We believe as you grow sire. Don’t let one person invali- drinking themselves into a frenzy. through the earthquake, wind, and
in marriage, [that] the longer date your desire to have sex. I Whittier was critical of those who be- fire,/O still, small voice of calm.”
you’re married, God’s inten- can’t stand that in the Christian lieved they might find God through Whittier was one of the most im-
tion is that it gets better, not church today. unbridled ecstasy, such as the hysteri- portant of the 19
th
-
worse. And communicate about sex. cal camp meetings and revivals com- century American
I grew up in a home that didn’t mon in his day. poets. The New
The reality is that doesn’t talk about sex. My wife and I Stanzas 12-17 of Whittier’s poem Englander was a
happen in most marriages. didn’t talk about sex for the first have been excised to form the hymn Quaker abolitionist,
Why? six years of my marriage. as found in many hymnals. The pre- reared in a large
All of us go into marriage Something about it just didn’t ceding stanza sets the context for our farmhouse in the
with expectations, and within seem right. hymn: rural setting of Mer-
the first couple of years we real- I appreciate premarital And yet the past comes round again,
John
rimac Valley at East
ize that most of our expectations counseling that helps you And new doth old fulfill;
Greenleaf
Haverhill, Mass. The
are going unmet and un-com- budget finances. But sexual in- In sensual transports wild as vain
Whittier
Whittier homestead
municated. That puts a strain on timacy is way more important We brew in many a Christian fane remains a museum
the marriage, which tends to lead than figuring out how to balance your The heathen Soma still! open to the public.
to disillusionment, which leads to You talk about the “sexual preda- checkbook. Talk openly about it. Stanza one then begins, “Dear Lord The Victorian tune REST by Fred-
disconnection, which leads to di- tors” in marriages. Don’t wait until you’re married. But and Father of mankind, forgive our fool- erick C. Maker (1844-1927) was actu-
vorce. The biggest predator is a vacuum allow your character to run out ish ways….”—a complete antithesis to ally composed for American poet W.B.
Sexual intimacy is the ultimate of intimacy. We think of intimacy as ahead. Save yourself, because God the “transports wild” in the preceding Tappan’s hymn, “There is an hour of
physical connection in a relation- a byproduct of romance—flowers, wants you to enjoy this with one per- verse. Rather than frenzy, true praise is peaceful rest.” British hymnals have
ship. Sex is just a barometer of the candy, romantic candlelight dinners son for the rest of your life. expressed in “deeper reverence.” embraced Whittier’s hymn, but prefer
relationship. We’re not doctors. [Co- and mood music. Those things are Whittier then continues with bibli- the tune REPTON by the famous Eng-
author] Gary and I don’t address nice, but really, in a home where Is it weird doing all these inter- cal examples of simplicity and seren- lish composer C.H.H. Perry.
this from a medical or psychological there is security and honor, intimacy views about sex? ity. Stanza two alludes to the “simple English hymnologist J.R. Watson
standpoint. We look primarily on the automatically happens. It’s there. No. We’re too afraid of the word trust” of the disciples who heard the summarizes well the contribution of
biblical and relational aspects of sex. That leads to sexual intimacy. “sex.” Our kids are going to learn “gracious calling” of Christ. Like them, this hymn: “It is the opposite end of the
We’re trying to help couples grow Security means you can come about this one way or another. we should rise “without a word” and devotional spectrum from those hymns
closer together and find discovery home and you’re not going to get at- Wouldn’t we like to be the people follow the Master. which encourage activity and energy . . .
rather than disillusionment. tacked to change by your spouse. who teach them? I want to see sex ed Stanza three has one of the most this hymn encourages an almost mysti-
That leads to honor—esteeming brought back to the home, with beautiful phrases in 19
th
-century Ro- cal contemplation of the peace of God
How do you do that? your mate as highly valuable, as Mom and Dad responsible to teach mantic poetry. The context is that of ‘which passes all understanding.’”
This is key to the whole book— someone created in the image of about it. “Sabbath rest” by the sea with the
we believe in personal responsibility. God. When we assign value to some- “calm of hills above.” It was in this
Dr. Hawn is professor of sacred
Most of us want to hide behind the thing, we treat it accordingly. We mjacobs@umr.org serene setting that Christ came to pray music at Perkins School of Theology.
U NITED M ETHODIST R EPORTER | S EPTEMBER 26, 2008
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