am wishing her hassle-free handling of those duties until the end
MONKEY
of her shift.
Example 2: An interesting use, from one non-Greek to another.
Me, in fact.
GALATIA KAZANZAKI
BUSINESS
In the last issue I slavered over the statuesque charms of a cer-
Freed from the island-camp
tain Gouvia serveuse, as a result of which her lithe Hungarian bod
I walked the city streets – lost
became the most ogled chassis on the strip, setting tills tintinnabu-
she took me in
lating as the punters crammed into Muses restaurant and the Net-
she gave me bread and wine
café for a squint. As reward, I was allowed to perch in a corner and
she made my bed with her precious rugs
gaze adoringly from afar, sometimes summoned to sit closer and
embroidered with deer and falcons
I
do believe I enjoy the close of a season more than its sunny
pose as her sugar-dad boyfriend to discourage unsuitable suitors
out of her gloom she gave me light
start. Price lists plummet and aestivating pals surface to throw
such as … well, me.
determination to write my verse
tattle-tale parties, catch up on gossip and add coup-de-grace
on the ring she put on my finger she etched
shredding of tattered reputations. No more taciturn, top-tipping
Even blissful Corfu summers end and soon we were sipping
her message
tourists with their bumbling gait and bizarre belief in crossing the
plastic coffee in the Departure lounge and swapping the usual lies
-Make a song out of life’s pain -
road on those faded stripey bits.
about keeping in touch. She brushed my cheek:
“So this time it’s me who go, and you stay in your nice home. How
you say? Kali sy’nehia?”
Sombre November – I’m lighting candles that someone’s Tho-
With that, she turned on those ridiculously impractical heels and
The following poems come from a book-length series enti-
mas goose doesn’t get Cooked. This is also the month scheduled
sashayed through Security, her pert rump going tick-tock above
tled Picnic, which is an account of Theodorou’s return, twenty
for The State vs Louis Corcyra Beach Hotel in re the deaths by
the denim swish of those endless legs.
years later, to a place of exile where she and hundreds of other
carbon monoxide poisoning of babes Christi and Bobby Shepherd.
women political prisoners lived under harsh conditions.
Joining them in the dock on a negligence rap are two UK reps, who
Akrivos, my dear. That is exactly how I say.
are no doubt kicking themselves for not acquiring such obvious
basic qualifications as X-ray vision and a M.I.T degree in gas-fired
#$@! So much for pleasantries. What I need now is a winter vo-
water heater maintenance.
PICNIC
cab of ‘Scaring and Swearing’. I keep a cheat-sheet in the car of
Greek car registrations but it lacks a certain je-ne-sais-quoi in my
To more seasonal matters, I love November for being distant
petulant Oxford bray: “Advance, villain! It gettest not any greener,
1
enough from Christmas to not yet loosen the purse strings, yet
thou whey-faced poltroon from Preveza!” I think I’ll wait for the
seasonal for Madam Editrice’s painstakingly researched gift sug-
real deal from the Professor.
on these branches I left
gestions: “Guten tag, Herr Tag, ISLAND mag here. If you’d care to

my youth
send us review copies of your latest high-end Heuer chronometers,
at the crack of dawn I prowled
we’ll think about including one or two as stocking-filler sugges-
Januario – Hronia Polla! A new year and a chance to dust down
round these shrubs for mushrooms
tions.” (I wish, Monkey – Ed)
those tired old resolutions.
four years I lived on
sea-watching
Plus, all those witty features on such vital skills as ‘How to Fend
Would you believe that I have never ever made a single vow of im-
here I dug, over there I nailed
off Unwanted Guests’.
provement? (Ghosts of Januaries past rise before me with saintèd
down poles for my tent
ex-wife and stern daughters nodding vigorously.)
on bits of broken water-jugs
I wrote my verses
Dekembrios – and a whole new readership to dazzle and be-
Take Me to Your Nadir: Jan Morris is a fine writer and her visit
hiding them inside the hollow of trees
guile. What new readership, you cry? Why, those ‘Guests from
was an honour to the island. All the more puzzling that for her as-
Hell’ you failed to fob off by ignoring our tips in the November
surance to Financial Times readers (Sept 13) that ‘Sweet Airs Still
I’ve come back to look for them
section. Do pay attention. But worry not. Monkey has a parlour
Abound’, she chose to visit the pits. She’d been told that ‘a lot of
twenty years later
game that never fails to bring a zip to the morning after. Buy two
places in Corfu are very nasty, but the nastiest of all is Kavos … so
extra copies of ISLAND and label them ‘Guest Suite’ and ‘Family’.
I went there at once.’
In the home side’s copy, annotate the heck out of the ‘Unwanted
2
Guests’ article with quips like ‘Too funny – must use on the Bent-
Why, for heaven’s sake? What a waste of pink. A place doesn’t
ley-Cooksons!’ or ‘If this doesn’t keep that bat of your mother at
sink to the status of nadir for nothing. It’s branded ‘nasty’ for being
Against this wall
bay, nothing will.’ Then, placing the ‘Family’ copy in your boudoir
… well, nothing. And nothing begets nothing, QED her article.
where they stood me up barefoot to take my measurements –
and taking immense care not to… by the anklet of Anargiros! Ochi!
warm me now uplift me –
Tell me you didn’t confuse the two… Marcus you buffoon! Mother
Here’s a quote from my favourite Christmas reading to myself:
and here where I was pushed down – give me your hand
will never visit us again. No, it’s not funny. Wipe that smirk off your
“Ever notice that ‘what the hell’ is always the right decision?”
I’m light now and I wear a shirt as bright-red
face.
Marilyn Monroe, no less; not just a pretty face.
as an aloe
come over here where they made me roll
The atmosphere at breakfast next morning will make the buffet-
That’s it from me. Have yourselves a merry little Christmas and
the triple-thick barbed wire
ing winds outside feel like summer’s gentlest zephyrs.
a riotous New Year knees-up. And hey, tell that special person
wrap me in the velvet of your arms
you love them.
and over here, where I lugged the cauldrons
and the ammunition cases.
Kala Kristougena - The month for wishes and blessings, so
aren’t you glad you read, marked and inwardly digested last edi-
Here’s the olive tree where I was getting the fifty grams
tion’s stellar guide to ‘Wishing in Greek’. A late addition to win you
of bitter-tasting “dry nourishment”, where I stood up
friends: ‘Kali sy’nehia’ – ‘Good Continuation’, or ‘May the rest of
only to be shoved down
your day go well.’
I placed on the linen cloth the bread
I made between two poems
Example 1: I withdraw money from my First Business Bank, en-
here’s roast meat, and nuts, and here’s wine
suring with my superior British queuing skills that I am served by
Let’s eat today, let’s drink
the lovely Konstantina. Our business done, she wishes me good
for the hunger of those years.
day and I in turn bowl her over by hoping the rest of her day con-
tinues well. She is dutifully anchored at the receipt of custom so I
ISLAND 9
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