perfectly clear that unless you wear the
recommended deodorant, make up,
Imperfecti
denture cream you won’t get laid. Men
should be buffed and polished to within
an inch of their lives and women should
_By Joanna Bolouri
on?_ be built like the size of a fiver. So when I
find myself lusting after Justin Lee Collins
I
’m 30, single again and am now trying the with his big old hair and portly stature
old ‘dating game’ once again. Sounds I wanna grab these corporate beauty
simple enough eh? Put on nice dress, best industry idiots by the veneers and shout
underwear and hope that if my bra sees “EXPLAIN THAT” in a drill sergeant, spit
the light of day (or the dark of some blokes flying everywhere, kind of roar.
bedroom) he doesn’t notice the spaghetti
hoops stain left by my two year old. Discussing this with some slightly pissed
friends one night, confirmed my feelings.
Only one problem; I first have to actually Perfection doesn’t exist and as we all
have a think about who I find attractive get old and start to resemble raisins, it
these days. becomes even less important to seek
it out. “I’d rather have a bloke with a
Once it was the perfect pretty boys with dodgy eye who makes me laugh until I
perfect hair and perfect bottoms and now wet myself than some dull, pretty boy
I’ve hit my 30’s it’s completely different. I who uses all my ‘Veet’ and doesn’t even
find myself only glancing for a only split replace it” confessed my mate Clare;
second at Brad Pitt with a kinda of raised perhaps laughter induced incontinence
lip, nonchalant expression and completely isn’t the way to go but I get where she’s
losing all sanity and good moral conduct coming from. I thought men would
over the so-called ‘odd looking’ fellas of be stricter in their quest for womanly
the world. Russell Brand, Noel Fielding, perfection but when my friend Brian,
Alan Rickman, Julian Barratt; these are who normally dates size 8, ‘bling’ girls
now my wish-list shags (and the list announced he fancies Fern Britton “Just
goes on) and I’m wondering why? Not ‘cause she looks dirty.” restoring my faith
considered aesthetically pleasing but in human nature and throwing up two
give me the messy haired, make-up fingers to those who dare to question the
wearing men with funny teeth and I’m all attractiveness of fat birds.
a quiver and ready to paint their nails.
So I think I’ve solved my own problem.
I’m secretly rather pleased too. We have I find imperfection incredibly attractive
it rammed home at such an early age as and seeking that out in my nice dress and
to what’s considered attractive; Barbie smudged bra will be a hell of a lot more
and Ken (despite his missing genitalia), fun than seeking out bloody perfection
the beyond perfect Brad and Angelina, and being crashingly disappointed with
even down to the adverts where it’s made what’s underneath.
I
n these times of frugality and doom and gloom, fun should be the word on all our
lips. There aren’t many Gordon Ramsey’s out there (blessedly) so we shouldn’t
all be subjected to our own cooking every night of the week (although some might
argue that this is the time to don an apron and brandish a wooden spoon).
How to afford this though? Obviously eating a la carte is out of the question with the
_Gourmet vs
tightening of the purse strings. The latest word in cool, actually, is the humble greasy
spoon and there is no shortage in Scotland; in fact, we probably have the richest
choice of greasy spoons in the world, so dig in.
Greasy Spoon
Here is the Scotcampus guide to Scotland’s finest purveyors of fried eggs, bacon,
chips and square sausage. Sorry they’re all in Glasgow…I don’t get far!
_Cafe D’Jaconelli, 570 Maryhill Road, Glasgow
Used as a location in Trainspotting, the ice cream in here is superb and they do a
heavenly fry-up.
_The Queens Café, Victoria Road, Glasgow
Retro-tastic and with the best ice-cream in the South Side. The staff are great, the
rolls crispy, the trimmings are tremendous and all in all, this is a great place to eat.
Open late too.
_The Oxford, Hill Street, Glasgow
The singular best sit-in chippy/caff we’ve ever had the pleasure to drink greasy tea
in. just off Cambridge Street in the city centre this is the old man of caff society in
Glasgow. Excellent fish tea. (Fish supper with bread and a pot of tea. Not tea made
from fish.)
_The Central Café, Argyll Street, Glasgow
If it’s real dirty grease you’re after then look no further. Some claim it turns their
stomach; some claim its Glasgow’s best proper greasy caff. The spoons here really
are greasy though, so maybe take your own.
_Coia’s, Duke Street, Glasgow
This somehow remains defined as a café, but it’s actually a rather swish deli come
café come restaurant. Does a decent fry up though and you can take your posh
friends along for Eggs Benedict and cappuccino.
The Good Life_58_
www.scotcampus.com_
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