Black Sheep
one man and his pen
ell, that ravaged Powys in early
was the September, when one of the
Wsummer cars tipped into a river and was
that wasn’t... Again. (You swept downstream?
didn’t seriously expect me Of course, off-roaders aren’t
to talk about anything else, exactly a popular species in the
did you?) country, and doubtless there’ll be
I’ve been deliberately avoiding some fighting back the “had it
the subject of late, knowing full coming” sentiment. But at least
well that the first mention of a the chap who found himself
poor summer would’ve prompted stranded in his 4x4 on a ford in
hosepipe bans, melting tarmac the River Rhiw in Welshpool a
and front page images of lovers couple of days earlier had a
frolicking half-naked in city centre mercifully more comic element
parks under headlines invariably about him. Suddenly thrust into
starting with “Phew!” and ending the dubious spotlight of BBC
with “scorcher!”. Not that we Wales Today’s evening bulletin,
couldn’t have done with such there he sat, the luckless 60-year-
a turnaround of Lazarusian old, in need of rescue from a
proportions. It’s just that fried egg on face isn’t possession of a gun and a boring name. Hence, group of brave souls in the RAF Sea King
my stock trade. Not intentionally, anyway. an Indian summer... not necessarily of love. Search and Rescue helicopter hovering above.
Naturally, I’m well aware that as you read But before you all rush off to dig out your But as the camera zoomed in and Jamie Owen
this, we’ll now be in the throes of an Indian thermometers and celestial calenders, let me manfully described the action, was that a cry
summer, the like of which no Indian has ever tell you that this year’s autumn equinox was forhelpheseemedtobemouthingtohis
experienced. Which explains why I’ve just due on 22nd September. At about a quarter to saviours who’d been scrambled from RAF
returned from a quick trip down to William four in the afternoon to be precise. (It’s when Valley on Anglesey? A last desperate plea for
Hill while Mrs Sheep busies herself at the the sun crosses the equator and day and night haste, perhaps, before the rising waters
local Farmers’ Market, to put a tenner on are of equal length at all latitudes – but then washed him and his motor away to Shrewsbury?
2008 being the hottest October on record. you probably knew that...) Er, no. He was munching on a sandwich!
Now, punters, this is a much better bet than Frankly, despite all the years of practice, us
a white Christmas, for two reasons. Firstly, Dark days ahead Brits are quite simply rubbish at coping with
global warming, if you believe all that Incidentally, the autumn equinox, or ‘harvest weather, whatever it may be. And our children’s
nonsense.Secondly,forittobeawhite home’, is also called Mabon (pronounced children’s great, great grandchildren are going
Christmas, a flake of snow needs to fall May-bon), after the Welsh god. The Druids to laugh their socks off when they find out.
directly onto the nose of Michael Fish at call this celebration, Mea’n Fo’mhair, and Too hot, too cold, too wet, too dry... How on
three minutes past two on Christmas Day, honour The Green Man – the God of the earth did they ever survive the credit crunch?
or something. (And he holidays in Florida in Forest – by offering libations to the trees. Assuming we did, of course, and that Fannie
December). Whereas the hottest October on The Welsh know this time as ‘Alban Elfed’, Mae and Freddie Mac didn’t eventually get it
record is borne out of an average over 31 days. meaning ‘light of autumn’. The English know on and give birth to Sweet Fanny Adam.
So it doesn’t have to be an Indian summer at it as ‘aren’t the nights drawing in’. The worry is, if all these high-foreheaded
that, whatever one of those really is. And that they are. But as we look back scientists turn out to be right about climate
Actually, being in a smart-arse sort of mood, on all that mumbo jumbo and laugh at the change – albeit a teensy weensy bit wrong about
I’ll tell you exactly what it is. For it to be an ancients’ funny little ways, I can’t help those long, hot, dry summers they were promising
Indian summer, the temperature needs to thinking that 30th-Century man will do the a few years back – our summers, Indian or
exceed 70°F for at least seven days after the same thing to us. Presuming we haven’t fried otherwise, could start to resemble Indian
autumn equinox. And it’s got nothing to do ourselves to extinction by then, of course. monsoons. And if that happens, the Borders –
with India, either. In fact it used to be called I mean, putting the clocks back. What’s that the hapless and none-too-willing recipients of
a Saint Martin’s Summer before the Yanks all about? (I’m still waiting for someone to tell all that rainwater from Wales – might not
started butting in on such matters in the 20th me how to put my sundial back an hour...) manage to keep their heads above water.
Century. If the truth be known, the ‘Indian’ Hollowed out pumpkins with lights in... why? However – and it’s a big however – there’s
refers to native American Indians who used Toffee apples? You tell me. X Factor... Gordon real reason to be optimistic. And it comes in
to raid European settlers. Being surprisingly Brown’s rescue package for homebuyers... the form of wise words from a man in the know:
fair-weather murderers, the natives used to call They’re going to look at us and think we were “I spent 40 years forecasting the weather,
it a day in the autumn, unless the weather was absolutely nuts. Especially when they chance and I can tell you,” he declares, “this was as
unseasonally good. In which case the likes of upon the archives of ‘off-roaders’. normal a British summer as we could expect.”
Sitting Bull, Dances With Wolves and Brown In the name of Land Rover, what on earth Given his track record, you just know
Bear In The Rain would carry on giving were those tourists doing criss-crossing rivers you’re on safe ground when Michael Fish
haircuts and a right good beating to anyone in near the Llyn Brianne reservoir in flood foretells disaster.
Country & Border Life130 October2008
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