twenty-one-year-old, I may not have the care, love and support that I am now I want to be there, and not because I have
gone forward for ordination in the first able to show to people in the church to be there. I am happy in my role in sup-
place – who knows? This could have where I worship. porting James in his ministry, though I do
been something that other women have try and rebel from the ‘vicar’s wife’ stere-
failed to see as a rewarding and as a viable otype. I came to our new church with a
option. I think that this point will stick the orders of a priest very clear idea of how I wanted to do the
with me for a long time: I have returned
are handed down from
‘vicar’s wife’ thing. I was very aware, in
to the priesthood of all believers, a valu- the back of my mind, that the people had
able and rewarding position to be in. I
generation to generation
asked James to be their priest.
am right where God wants me to be and I Although I support him in his ministry,
couldn’t be happier.
through a succession
I didn’t want people thinking that they
My role within the church is now flour- had bought one and got one free. I’m not
ishing. I find myself speaking to people of men that kind of person. He is the one that is
in a way that I never would have before. in charge and he is the one that they need
I find that people approach me and trust to turn to if they need someone. I love the
me, and I can talk to them about issues Now I am very happy. I am able to sit fact that people do come to me, and do
that matter to them in a way I could in the congregation and be as involved, trust me, but they know and I know that
not before. I am not sure if that is just a or not, in the church. I am there because ultimately he is the man in charge.
matter of age (and infirmity, since I am I am now a full-time mum and love
only thirty-two) or whether it is because being at home looking after our two-
of the experience I have had and the posi- year-old daughter Grace, and we are
tion I was once in. But it does mean that looking forward to the next addition to
I am fulfilling the role I once thought was the family in May. I love being a mum
a vocation. and relish the time I spend with Grace
My ‘vocation’ came from a deep desire and look forward to the challenge of
to serve the people of God, and to listen having two children under three. I
to and care for them in the best way that also look forward to the next challenge
I could. Even though I am no longer that God has in store for me, because
ordained, my return to the priesthood I really don’t think that this is the end
of all believers means that that ‘voca- of my adventure, or my story – just the
tion’ and desire is still fulfilled through beginning.
ND
T
he book of Job concludes with the
hopeful message that ‘the second
Ghostly
the heart and mind before God. It would
seem that the Lord uses this ‘barren’ time
half of his life was more fruitful than the to prepare the heart to receive him in a
first’. Now that I am fifty-something, I am
definitely in the second half! Recently I
Counsel
new way. It all takes time.
Someone might point out that Jesus
have become aware that in respect to the was only thirty-two when he died. In
things of the spirit life experience is a response to this, one might argue that
key to understanding. The other week I
The second half
the fact of the incarnation makes Jesus
opened up Julian of Norwich’s Revelation a ‘special case’ but more importantly
of Divine Love for the umpteenth time
Andy Hawes is Warden of
he lived with the fact of his own death
and to my amazement I found that I
Edenham Regional Retreat House
in a way that we are spared – that
understood what she was writing. It was certainly pushed him into spiritual and
as if she was speaking to me directly. This of intense spiritual experience as a child psychological territory that few are
did not happen thirty years ago when I but in Teresa’s case it was not until she called to tread. The temptations in the
was an ordinand! It was measure of how was forty that she experienced the state wilderness are one time when we see this
much I had changed. But life does that of ‘mystical union’ with Christ for which being worked out in his mind and will.
to one. she is renowned. Perhaps the most important lesson I
As a student of history, I was extremely There are lessons to be learnt here have learned from all this is that ‘God
annoyed by R.W. Southern’s remark that about the spiritual life. The first is has prepared good things for those who
‘no one would ever write good history patience. People often express their love him’. The Lord is drawing us closer
until he had suffered a personal crisis’. frustration at the lack of spiritual to himself and he reveals himself to us
Likewise I bridled when I was told, ‘You ‘experience’ – that is to say, some felt in the way and time he chooses. There
will have to be well over forty before you emotional or even physical response is no substitute for experience. The old
can have a fruitful ministry in spiritual in prayer and worship. The fact is that saying ‘he who lives longest sees most’ is
direction.’ But I now see that they were these experiences are God’s gift and he especially true in the things of the spirit.
both right. gives them as and when he chooses. The For the young it means be patient; for
Julian of Norwich was thirty-one when second is persistence. This is the one of the middle-aged it means be patient; and
she received her ‘shewings’ but it took the key lessons from Mother Julian and for those for whom the final whistle is
her another thirty years of living and St Teresa – we must simply keep going. nearest the message is ‘be patient’. ‘All
praying before she ‘understood’ their There is the point where raw faith and shall be well and all manner of things
message. Teresa of Avila had moments naked will are the only things that turn shall be well.’
6
■
newdirections
■
April 2008
Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36