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rigging of doom currently swaying above me.
“amy, we’re not leaving until the whole group accom-
plishes this. Trust your team-mates, they’ll support you.”
“shove off, hippie bitch.”
To be fair, I never actually said that, but I would have
been totally justified. What we’re talking about here is a
rickety plywood platform dangling from a single chain about
four, maybe five, feet above my head. What’s supposed to
be happening is me calmly trusting my puny team-mates to
thrust me high enough in the air to scramble onto said plat-
form. as if this wasn’t enough, the platform pivots, meaning
that once I gracefully fly through the air and land gently, I
must find a perfectly balanced position and hold it until I
magically get down somehow.
“What’s the problem? here, let me just…”
“don’t touch me! did I say you could touch me!?”
Why am I terrified? Well, beyond the level of terror
you’re supposed to feel on these things? allow me to ex-
plain: as a general rule, I am big, and everyone else is small.
I hate calling attention to this fact. I enjoy vertical stripes in
dark, slimming colors. I never wear heels. I always buy big
purses because I feel stylish clutches make me look out of
proportion. and to me the idea of attempting to lift my sheer
bulk off the ground without the aid of an elevator, forklift or
zeppelin is ludicrous. To get me up on that platform would
take twice as many people, twice as much sweat, twice as
much grunting, and there’d be twice as many smug looks
blue moon 95
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