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HATHewAy MiddLe c
top of my piano, staring sternly out at the room. i imag-
ine it wincing as i hit the wrong notes, trying in vain to
express the potential on the page.
i am eighteen and full of excuses. They become too
easy to come up with when I come to college. My fingers
become more used to the feel of a computer’s keys than a
piano’s. downstairs, an upright piano waits humbly, mu-
sic locked inside. But something in me shies away from
this opportunity. Too much homework, too tired, too
many other things to do . . . too many doubts. i’m not the
only piano player in my hall. others are here, much more
experienced than i. i feel afraid of criticism, of killing
more beautiful Beethovens. And so i stay away, listening
from the haven of my room, and wondering.
One day, part-way through my first semester as a col-
lege freshman, i pause in my work, pull out the glossy
piano books from my desk. I run my fingers over the cov-
ers, feel each tiny crease in the binding, stroke each dog
ear, each pencil mark, feeling lonely for reasons i can’t
explain. i glance over at a nearby cd case. Ben Folds,
Songs for Silverman. in my mind, the ultimate piano man,
the sort of player i’d like to be. daring. Fearless. Melo-
dies flowing out of him like words from a pen.
How do you do it? i ask silently.
Ben stares back at me quizzically, brow furrowed un-
blue moon 19
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