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i nearly collapse with the sudden shock of vertigo.
stage fright feels foreign. Knees trembling, blood pound-
ing strangely in my ears, i walk to the front of the church.
i glance up to the enormous statue of Jesus looming over
the room and send a quick prayer His way.
“i would like to play…” why am I so scared? “…Moonlight
sonata…” I love this music “…by Ludwig van Beethoven.”
I played it perfectly earlier.
The mirrored surface of the baby grand twists my face
into a distorted grimace, mimicked by the expression on
the miniature bust of Beethoven that resides there. i
spread my sheet music, sit on the bench, place my hands,
stare at the black bars indicating “start here.” Breathe.
Begin.
Adagio sostenuto…
something’s wrong.
Tre corde . . .
My fingers feel numb.
Una corda . . .
My mouth is dry, my palms wet and slippery against
the keys.
Crescendo . . .
i cannot play i cannot play i cannot play.
Diminuendo.
It’s finished.
blue moon 17
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