them. Comfort them. Show them that DON’T feel guilty when you find son may come because you reached out
your love for them is constant and strong, yourself enjoying parts of the holiday and helped another person. The holidays
and not lessened by the overwhelming festivities. Your loved one would certainly are all about giving.
sorrow you all feel.” not want you to be continually sad, One young widow with three school-
DO mention your loved one by name. depressed, unhappy. age children couldn’t bear the thought
Others may hesitate to talk about “David” DO talk about your grief. Express and of the holiday without her husband.
or “Sandy,” but if you take the initiative it explore your feelings with trusted friends After reflecting on how to better manage
will let other family members know it’s who are good listeners. Remind yourself her holiday, she decided to invite anoth-
OK to talk about the deceased loved one. that ignoring pain doesn’t make it go er young widow, whom she met in a
DON’T expect the worst. A little away; it only deepens it. grief support group, to join her family
thought and planning can make your DON’T resist reaching out for help if for their traditional Christmas Eve din-
holiday much better than you may you need it. From time to time all of us ner. “My friend came with her two chil-
believe. Most people find that the antici- need someone to talk to or a shoulder to dren, and much to my amazement, we
pation is worse than the reality. cry on. This is especially true for those all had a wonderful evening together.
DO engage in spiritual practices dur- grieving the loss of a loved one. Harold Watching all five children eating and
ing the holiday. Set aside time for reflec- Ivan Smith, a minister and author of A then playing together filled me with hol-
tion, meditation, prayer. Participate in the Decembered Grief, makes this suggestion: iday warmth. It’s an evening I’ll remem-
many worship opportunities offered dur- “Spend some time listing things that ber all of my life.”
ing the holidays. These help you become people could help you do to make it
more centered, more calm, more hopeful. through this season. Then when they * Scriptures are from the New International
If prayer is difficult because the pain of ask, simply respond, ‘Could you help me Version.
grief is heavy, offer as your prayer these decorate?’ or ‘Could you go shopping
words from Psalm 102:1-2: “Hear my with me Tuesday evening?’ Do yourself
prayer, O Lord; let my cry for help come and your family a favor: Let someone in Victor M. Parachin, author,
to you. Do not hide your face from me on your grief.” writer, and minister, writes
when I am in distress. Turn your ear to DO try to help someone else. Your from Tulsa, Oklahoma.
me; when I call, answer me quickly.” greatest pleasure during the holiday sea-
My Most Memorable Christmas • Wilma Amison
Christmas in October
MY HUSBAND, Don, and I had been given a ministry assignment by the director of Ministry to the Military
in Europe to initiate a Church of God Servicemen’s Center in Mons, Belgium, which was the military home of
SHAPE (Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe). We were scheduled to leave in October. Not wanting to
miss our family Christmas celebration that year, we conferred with our daughter and her husband (Gale and Jeff)
Wilma
and our son and his wife (Steve and Pam) and decided to move our celebration of Christmas from the latter part
Amison
of December to the early part of October.
serves as
And so we gathered at our son’s home in Cleveland, Tennessee, where he was a student at Lee University.
managing
The Christmas tree was set up and decorated, and the traditional Christmas meal was on the stove and in the
editor of the
oven. His wife told some of their close friends who also lived in the married students’ complex about our plans.
Church of
About the time we were opening our gifts, the neighbor knocked on the door and greeted us with a hearty
God Evangel.
“Merry Christmas.” He later acted as photographer for the family’s posed photos of the gathering, including our
daughter and husband’s 1-and-a-half-year-old daughter, Rebekah. The whole celebration felt as authentic as any
we ever celebrated at the traditional holiday time.
While I was telling a colleague at the office about our unorthodox Christmas, she commented, “Well, after
all, we should celebrate the coming of Christ into the world every day of the year and not just on Christmas Day.”EVANGEL • DEC 2008 17
EVANGEL • DEC 2008 17
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